The Covid-19 Cleanse - How to finally delete draining relationships

Written by Marianne Vicelich

Isolation was a time that amplified how our relationships with others make us feel emotionally, mentally, and physically - whether it's a partner, friend or colleague. 

Most of the time we take the rough with the smooth. However, being in isolation has allowed us to reflect on our lives and the way certain relationships can affect our mood adversely. We can cherish the traits and commonalities that first attracted us to that person, and we come to accept the idiosyncrasies. 

But over time this dynamic can shift, sometimes to the point where neither party feels there is any value left in the relationship.

The spark of romance fizzles out, families feud and friendships turn cold to the point where there's no enjoyment. The feeling of tension can become overwhelming and in some cases destructive.

Signs you're in a toxic relationship 

Walking on eggshells
If you're anxious about another's reaction to anything you say or do it's a clear sign that things have turned sour. Always worried you haven't liked enough of their Instagram posts? Or you Wake up wondering that you have done something to upset them? You may fall into a pattern whereby you avoid sharing your opinions with them, asking them a question, or even messaging them because you are uncertain of their mood. Don't fall hostage to their moods, don't let your happiness depend on theirs.

A game of unequal halves
The effort each party puts into a relationship is unlikely to be the same all of the time and who wants to keeps tabs of this anyway? If your friend, family member or partner is going through a difficult patch by all means support them, but if you are continually feeling as though you're getting anything in return, it could be time to pull back.

They call the shots
Someone can exert control directly or indirectly. Tactics can involve guilt-tripping and when someone knows you well, they'll know your weak points and therefore, which buttons to press to get their way. Controlling behaviour can be difficult to recognise for what it is, but if you find you have an increasing dependence on the person involved, or you lose sight of what you ultimately want and where you want to be, it's time to evaluate that relationship. Remember you are not responsible for someone else's desire to control you and you don't need to put up with it. 

Green-eyed monster 
Is your friend always the last to congratulate you on your successes? Do they flaunt other friendships in your face? These are signs that they are jealous which is a direct reflection if their insecurities. You need friends that are your "running buddies" not ones that bring you down due to their own jealousy. This is not conducive to your personal growth. 

Action plan

Know when to move on
If you are not feeling valued, supported or happy, or the friendship is draining or chipping away at your confidence try to distance yourself.

Unnecessary negativity and backstabbing or even just a lack of communication can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally.

If your friend is no longer helping you feel good about yourself or supporting you in any way, resist an angry outburst and quietly leave the  friendship with your dignity intact and your head held high. 

Don't wait for an apology
Because it almost never comes. We cannot control anyone but ourselves, no matter how much we may want to. No matter how much we want someone to change, only they can make the decision to make any alterations in their life. We need to know that we did not deserve the poor treatment, and that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to move on and genuinely know in our hearts that we deserve better.

Embrace forgiveness 
Don't make the mistake of thinking you always have to wait until hurt and anger passes before forgiving your toxic friends. Forgiveness is actually a deliberate and intentional act. It is a decision that restores vitality, possibility and integrity to your life. 

Ultimately to forgive someone means to cancel the debt you feel they owe you. It is a surrender and release of the hurt that has passed between you. Forgiveness can change your past and the present by helping you give it a different purpose. The purpose of your life is not to carry a grievance.

Fill the void
It is important when moving forward to fill your life with enriching activities and alternative sources of happiness. Focus on things that make you happy - family, friends, work and hobbies.

Embrace the new life you are about to embark on. Self-love and self-care is a priority during the healing time. Surround yourself with positive people. Stay busy with those you can trust and confide in. And remember to stay tuned to the red flags earlier in your encounters with people.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR 

Marianne Vicelich is a highly acclaimed self-help author, relationship coach, philanthropist, and entrepreneur. Her books 

merge empowering psychology with realistic and tangible verse. Marianne teaches women of all ages the importance of self-love, forgiveness, fearlessness and courage. 

The LA Times hailed her books as an “inspirational must-have” and Grazia Magazine as “spiritually beautiful”. Since the launch of her first book in 2008 she has sold her books internationally in Europe, UK, Asia, the Middle East, Africa, and the USA. 

Her work has been featured internationally on the NBC Network USA, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Italian Grazia, The Independent UK, The LA Times and more. She is also a regular contributor to The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Body and Soul. 

Marianne Vicelich is paving the way for a new genre of self-help inspirational books for girls and women who would not be caught dead reading self-help. 

Destruction – Free Yourself from The Narcissist by Marianne Vicelich shows you how to liberate yourself from draining personal relationships with narcissists and regain a sense of peace, balance and well-being in your life. Marianne Vicelich will help you identify, cope with, and ultimately overcome the destructive behaviour of narcissists.

RRP $29.99 |  Available as hardback & eBook | Amazon, Dymocks and Good Reads | ISBN: 9780987551870 | https://www.mariannevicelich.com.